


Killing intent

by Gegenwind



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Reader-Insert, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:44:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gegenwind/pseuds/Gegenwind
Summary: You've lost count of the nights you spent grieving.





	Killing intent

**Author's Note:**

> Writer-chan is not a native English speaker! Errors may occur.
> 
> Put all of your imagination into this. Enjoy yourself.

**killing intent**

 

 

_Has it been a week already?_

     Your vision blurred while you were desperately trying to revive the body beneath you. The gloves and the protective clothing were soaked with blood and you felt feverish, like your whole body was on fire.

     »One, two, three, four …,« you counted breathless. _No heartbeat_. »One, two, three, four … Come on, don’t die on me!« _Still no heartbeat_. Your arms felt heavy. »You held out for so long, don’t stop fighting! One, two, three …« You were so tired but your body still wouldn’t give up on you.

     »Stop it,« you heard a voice behind you. »He’s dead. You did everything you could.«

     It was like this was the only remaining thing that kept your body working. If you would stop now you would no longer be able to stand. It got harder to breathe. You just celebrated the first victory of human mankind against the titans – but the amount of deaths had increased during the week. You and the team you led couldn’t even save half of the wounded. Some of your recruits laid passed out upon the bloody floor.

 

     »I said stop it,« you heard that voice again. The sound of it was as weak as your body felt and you couldn’t even say who that voice belonged to.

     Your movements became weaker. Your arms weren’t able to support your weight anymore and with a thud you just fell to the ground, barely conscious. You had failed. Tears streamed down your face. This was no victory; this was nothing but _loss_. Please, you thought, just let me die with them.

     Your mind slowly went blank as you cried. You hadn’t enough strength to stand up. But the cold, hard ground seemed irritably comfortable at that moment.

     You went completely unconscious before you could think about anything else.

 

→☆←

 

     It was late in the afternoon when Commander Erwin Smith and Corporal Levi entered the medical ward. It was a terrifying sight; the Survey Corps members all passed out on the dirty floor and over half of the wounded wrapped up in blankets – dead.

     »What a mess,« grunted Levi as he looked for the Squad Leader in charge. »Oi, where’s Squad Leader (l/n)?«

     »Over here,« said Erwin and knelt down beside you. »She doesn’t look good. Maybe she pushed herself too much.« The Commander began to remove your protective clothing. »Could you please give me a hand, Levi?«

     Meanwhile, other Survey Corps members arrived to help their exhausted comrades. Neither of them was in any state to clean up this mess. Seven days of nonstop-working pushed them over the edge of their physical and emotional tolerances. They would need a good rest after this.

     »I have a meeting. Could you bring her to her room this time? We can’t leave her like this.« Erwin stood up and fixed his jacket. »Don’t be too harsh on her.«

     »Tch.« Levi lifted you into his arms and left without another word. Erwin just sighed and followed the Corporal out of the ward.

 

     »Corporal Le- Is that Squad Leader (f/n)?« Petra stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw you in Levi’s arms. »She looks horrible. Will she be alright?« Her voice was filled with worry. There weren’t many female members at the Survey Corps and the few of you were always together.

     »She just needs some rest.« And a bath, he added in his thoughts. You were sweaty and blood stained. He didn’t care to bath you himself, it wasn’t even the first time he did so. He knocked that shitty four-eyes unconscious and bathed them too, why shouldn’t he do the same with some little girl? (Although you were just a few years younger than him.)

     Petra nodded and left. Levi just went along the dark corridors, determined to give you a bath before putting you to bed.

 

→☆←

 

     You awoke in the middle of the night, bathed in your own sweat and breathing heavily. The recurring nightmares made resting really difficult these days. Your body was aching, especially your arms.

     »You should go back to sleep. Those are just dreams. They’re not real,« you heard a familiar voice. You squinted your eyes a bit before you could see the silhouette of the person speaking to you.

     »I know They’re not real,« you said weakly, trying not to cry, »but they’re terrifying. And I can do nothing about them. I see all my dead comrades when I close my eyes, Levi. I am so tired of this world. Why do we have to keep on fighting? What are we even fighting for? This living just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.« You buried your face in your hands.

     Levi stood up and left the shadows of your room to sit beside you on the mattress. »So those wounds are what I assume they are?« His gaze was intense yet he was completely calm.

     »Yes,« you whispered. »I tried. But Mike caught me. I begged him not to tell anyone. Though I suppose Erwin knows.« You lowered your hands and looked at the scars you marked your body with.

  


     Suicide was a common topic for soldiers, especially for the Survey Corps members. It was as normal as to breathe; which was very sad. But because you all fought for freedom it was a foolish thought to kill oneself. None of you wanted to die; yet everyone was scared to live, too.

     You whipped away your tears. »I’m a fool. I know.«

     »Yes, you’re pretty stupid,« Levi tapped his finger against your forehead, »because your life is worth much more than you can imagine.« He pressed a single kiss upon your lips.

     »Could you stay here?« you asked, your tired eyes barely opened. »It’ll help.«

     »This one time,« he agreed and pushed you down by your shoulders. »I’ll hold you together.«

 

_© Gegenwind_


End file.
